For the Ladies: it’s Not “We”, it’s “Me” for Your MBA Applications

It’s not “we” — it’s “me.” For the ladies out there, repeat that to yourself.

Why Women Struggle With Self-Promotion

For a large portion of the women I work with each year who are navigating MBA applications for top programs, we eventually discuss the ‘W’: not win, not woman, but “we.” Women tend to feel uncomfortable taking credit for their achievements. This is a well-researched topic. Many only think about it in the context of getting their next promotion. But taking credit for your accomplishments is also a key part of MBA applications.
I know some men face this challenge too. But since it’s more prevalent for women, I’m focusing on the ladies here.

I’m not a psychologist, but I am a woman, and I know what it feels like to be uncomfortable tooting my own horn. I catch myself all the time: “we thought you would love this”, “we had a great new idea” etc. It wasn’t “we”, it was “me!”

As research, career coaches, and management professors all say, it may be uncomfortable at first, and even unnatural, but you just have to do it. If you don’t talk about how great you are, why would anyone else?

You can be almost 100% certain that the admissions committee is not going to get a bunch of letters from people who work with you praising how incredible you are and how, in fact, you are the person who drives productivity in the office but are too humble to admit it.

Do not assume the admissions committee will read between the lines. They won’t realize you did all the work unless you tell them directly. They are skimming your application – if you don’t tell them directly, they will likely not get it.

Being humble is great – just not to a fault. And it would be a fault to be overly humble when applying to business school.

Here’s why it matters for your MBA applications: top schools estimate that over 75% of applicants are qualified on paper. But we know that the average acceptance rate for the top 10 schools is only 16%. So, competition is already fierce. And a huge percentage of applicants, men, don’t tend to the struggle with the “we” issue as much as women. So if you want to be assessed based on your merits, you need to be upfront about them.

Here’s an example: last year I reviewed two sets of first draft essays around the same time of the application cycle – one for a man and one for a woman. Both applicants worked for large tech companies and had impressive scores. Each had also progressed quickly throughout their careers. The guy’s essay launched into a story about how he’d “led the redesign of the company’s consumer-facing ordering system”. It was truly an impressive story. For him I had to ask if he had, as his essays suggested, actually developed and led the entire thing by himself. The answer was no – he was part of a team and we discussed how to integrate that into his stories without diluting his contribution to the project’s strategy and direction.

The woman I worked with had fixed and relaunched an orphaned product line. However, her stories focused on how ‘we’ iterated on solutions until finding the formula. In reality, there wasn’t much of a ‘we’ at all. She was in charge of the entire project, from consumer testing to execution. Being the only full-time dedicated member, she managed the ship independently. Some cross-functional collaborators and vendors assisted with execution, but the primary driver was her.

When asked, she explained that she felt awkward being cocky or taking credit for something that clearly required cooperation across an organization. But at the same time, she wasn’t giving herself credit for the fact that she had the new ideas, she launched them, and she steered the ship to be successful working around the clock (and probably being fabulous at the same time!)

So ladies, if this sounds familiar, know that you’re like many talented, successful, amazing MBA women, but also know that it’s time to start overcoming that natural gravitational pull towards using the word “we” when in fact, you should be using “I” or “me”. Your MBA applications are a great place to practice self promotion balanced with tact, grace and of course also giving credit where it’s due.

If this article hits home for you, I probably don’t need to say this, but don’t go overboard and tack the other direction completely. It’s important to show that you have a high level of maturity, team skills and emotional intelligence.

True confidence allows you to acknowledge your own greatness. It also gives you the space to recognize the excellence in others.

The goal is to highlight your accomplishments. Give the admissions committee enough data points to accurately assess your leadership potential. Don’t force yourself to sound self-absorbed or cocky.

The surest way to keep this in check is simply to have other people review your essays at various stages and give you feedback. If it sounds awkward, or not like you, then rewrite until it does.

And finally, if in doubt, use strong but gracious action verbs. Try “co-led,” “co-managed,” or “co-developed.” If you led an aspect of a project, talk about that. But if you truly partnered with someone else on all aspects of leading it, acknowledge that too. If you stepped up to the plate and really made an impact, make sure that’s reflected in the way you talk about it.

As an all-female MBA team, we know a thing or two about how this goes. Reach out if you’re wondering how to balance the “we” and “me” in your applications!